Can You Date During A Divorce? Legal Consequences Of New Relationships

The technical answer is yes, you can date during a divorce. You’re legally married until a judge signs your final decree, but no law prevents you from going to dinner with someone new. The better question is whether you should, and what consequences you might face if you do.

Our friends at The Law Office of Jonathan Lewis, LLC discuss how dating during divorce proceedings remains one of the most common issues that damages otherwise reasonable settlements. An experienced divorce lawyer will tell you that while dating isn’t illegal, it often creates problems that cost you money, time, and sometimes custody rights.

How Dating Affects Custody Decisions

Judges make custody decisions based on the best interests of your children. When you introduce a new romantic partner during divorce proceedings, you’re giving the court reason to question your judgment and priorities.

Courts want to see that you’re focused on providing stability for your kids during a difficult transition. Dating someone new suggests you’re more interested in your social life than in helping your children adjust. Fair or not, that perception matters when a judge decides custody arrangements.

The situation gets worse if your new partner spends time around your children. Judges generally don’t want kids meeting a parade of new romantic interests while they’re still processing their parents’ separation. If your soon-to-be ex can show that you’re exposing the children to multiple partners or that your dating interferes with parenting time, you could lose custody or face restricted visitation.

Red flags that concern family courts include:

• Having your new partner stay overnight when children are present

• Canceling parenting time to spend time with a date

• Introducing multiple romantic partners to your children

• Allowing a new partner to discipline your kids

• Spending marital funds on your new relationship

Your ex-spouse’s attorney will investigate your dating life if they think it helps their case. Social media posts, witness testimony from neighbors or friends, and even private investigators might come into play. What feels like innocent dating to you can look very different when presented to a judge.

Financial Consequences of Dating Too Soon

Dating during divorce affects more than custody. Your financial settlement can take a hit when you start a new relationship before the decree is final.

In some states, adultery still matters. If you started dating before you physically separated from your spouse, a judge might consider it adultery even if your marriage was already falling apart. Adultery can affect alimony awards in states where fault-based divorce grounds exist.

Even in no-fault divorce states, dating can hurt your wallet. If you’re spending money on your new partner while claiming you can’t afford spousal support, expect your spouse’s attorney to highlight that discrepancy. Expensive dinners, weekend getaways, and gifts for a new romantic interest look bad when you’re arguing about dividing limited marital assets.

Cohabitation with a new partner creates additional issues. Moving in with someone during your divorce can affect alimony calculations. Some states reduce or eliminate spousal support when the receiving spouse cohabitates with a romantic partner. You might also trigger questions about whether your new partner is contributing to household expenses, which affects your claimed financial need.

The Social Media Problem

Nothing damages a divorce case faster than social media posts about your new relationship. Photos from romantic dinners, vacation selfies, or simply changing your relationship status can be used against you in court.

Your spouse’s attorney will search your social media accounts looking for ammunition. Even if you think your privacy settings protect you, screenshots travel fast. Friends, family members, and mutual acquaintances can provide evidence to the other side.

Delete dating apps from your phone if you share custody. Your children might see them, or they could come up if you’re asked to produce your phone during discovery. The same goes for text messages and emails with romantic content. Everything becomes discoverable once divorce proceedings begin.

According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, social media evidence appears in an increasing number of divorce cases, with Facebook being the primary source.

When Waiting Makes Sense

The smartest approach is usually to wait until your divorce finalizes before dating. This might feel unfair, especially if you’ve been separated for months or your spouse was the one who wanted the divorce. But protecting your custody rights and financial interests matters more than starting a new relationship a few months earlier.

If you’ve already started dating someone, be discreet. Don’t post about it online, don’t introduce your kids to your new partner, and don’t let the relationship interfere with your divorce proceedings. The less your spouse and their attorney know about your dating life, the better.

Some situations call for extra caution. If you work with your new romantic interest, if they’re a mutual friend of you and your spouse, or if they were involved in any way before your separation, expect additional scrutiny. These relationships create appearance problems even if nothing improper happened.

Protecting Yourself If You Choose to Date

If you decide to date despite the risks, take steps to minimize potential damage. Keep your new relationship completely separate from your children until after the divorce finalizes. Don’t spend marital funds on dating expenses. Avoid posting anything relationship-related on social media.

Document your parenting time carefully. If your ex accuses you of missing time with your kids because of dating, you want records showing you’ve been present and engaged. Keep receipts for any expenses your spouse might claim are relationship-related to prove they were legitimate personal or family costs.

Be honest with your attorney about your dating life. They need to know what’s happening so they can prepare for how the other side might use that information. Surprising your lawyer with a new relationship after your spouse has already filed motions about it makes their job much harder.

Making the Right Choice for Your Case

Every divorce is different, and what works for one person might be disastrous for another. Your specific circumstances, your spouse’s likely reaction, and what’s at stake in your settlement all affect whether dating during divorce makes sense.

We understand that moving forward with your life feels important, but timing matters in divorce proceedings. If you’re questioning whether dating during your divorce could affect your case, let’s discuss your specific situation and develop a strategy that protects your interests while the process unfolds.